


The Life of Tommy Merlyn

by leilanewood



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 01:53:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3959992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leilanewood/pseuds/leilanewood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People say that the moment before you die you can see your life pass through your eyes like a movie. Tommy had plenty of time for that before Oliver arrived after the earthquake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Life of Tommy Merlyn

**Author's Note:**

> The moment I saw the quote that I used in the beginning of this chapter on tumblr I was hit and bothered by the idea for days before I started to write it down. Then it took me more than a year to finally have the courage to post it. That’s my take on how would have been the beginning of those years for our beloved Tommy. Let me know what you guys think :)
> 
> Thanks again to bewitchedrivers for take a look at it. :)

“They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” - Banksy

 

The idle rich, they say, have everything they want. They don’t have to fight for anything; don’t know what the feeling of loss is. What do they have to lose? They don’t know anything about life or death.

He grew up knowing this, hearing the variations of the same sentence over and over. People were always judging him, blaming him, making assumptions about him because of his name, the money that came with it. Not that he was complaining about it. Why would he really do that? Money is not exactly everything in life, he learnt that on pretty early, but money can buy you some things. Escape, for example.

He spent his entire life escaping from responsibilities, from feelings, from hurting, from what he was pretending to be and what he wantedso bad to be.

There was a time when everything had been perfect. He had been happy; he had a loving dad and mom, friends, toys, everything that a boy would dream of. Until one night where everything he knew was ripped out his life.

He lost his mother. He lost his mother, and in the process, lost a part of his childhood he was only beginning to cherish. No more good night kisses, no more bedtime stories, no more hugs, no more love. And when he lost her, he lost his dad too. He was too young, people said, to understand, but what they didn’t know was that he was old enough to feel how it was to be alone, to have no one. To have strangers, people who didn’t understand him, tell him that his father had to mend his wounds first, before he could come back. But what about his ones? He was hurting too, hurting more than a child should.

“What do you want Tommy?”

His answer was always the same. He just wanted his mother, his mother and nothing else. They didn’t understand that he didn’t need superficial things, didn’t realise that by asking him what he wanted every other hour, the answer wasn’t going to change. When he asked for his father, it was always the same answer. 

“We don’t know sweetie, but he is going to come back for you. You just have to wait. Do you understand that, Tommy?”

He did, but he didn’t want to. He wasn’t obligated to.

 

\---------

 

Five days after his father goes missing, he’s being taken from his mansion to the Queen mansion. All Tommy knew about the Queens was that he liked Moira Queen. She was a really good friend to his mother and did all she could to guarantee that while he was alone, he’d have anything he needed.

But once the SCPD reported that they couldn’t do anything to find Malcolm Merlyn and had to stop the search for him, they requested that someone close to the family take him in. After a month of trials and courts, Robert Queen gained the right to raise his son’s best friend, saving Tommy from being sent into a home within the city, because, apparently he learnt again, being one of the idle rich when your parents aren’t around could put you in the system.

Tommy had some time catching up with the Oliver. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the boy, they really enjoyed spending time together in the past, but now — he just didn’t feel like he fit in, didn’t feel like Oliver understood the slump in his shoulders and the pain in his heart.

He wasn’t at home. Didn’t have his family around, didn’t have the comfort of love tucking him in at night, and no matter how much everyone wanted to pretend that everything was fine, nothing was.

 

\---------

 

Three months passed, quicker than Tommy had expected it to. He was in his room, looking outside, when he saw the governess looking at him. With a small smile on her face, she approached him.

“Do you need anything, Mr. Merlyn?”

Shaking his head, he turned his attention to the yard where, on a rare day off, Robert was playing with Oliver.

Still feeling the presence of the woman in the room, he turned to see her sitting at the end of his bed. Frowning, he looked at her and watched as the smile on her face deepened even more.

“I’ve lost my parents, both of them, around the same time too.”

His eyes locked on hers, waiting.

“Not like you did, Mr. Merlyn. Unlike you, I saw them die. I buried them and thought that, that day I died too.”

When his eyes pricked with the familiar feel of tears, she got up and approached him, kneeling in front of him.

“I was fifteen at that time.”

For the first time in months, he felt the urge to talk and was not surprised at how raspy his voice sounded.

“How did they die?”

“The Russian mob made a mistake.”

It made sense, the tilt in her accent now. Raisa sniffed, the smile on her face a sad one now.

“What I’m trying to say, Mr. Merlyn, is that you still have a father, somewhere, who is probably as lost as you are, and is going to need his son as bad as you need him. So don’t blame yourself for what has happened, and don’t blame him for what he has done.”

“How can I not?” he couldn’t stop the anger in his voice, the bitterness that threatened to overcome him again.

“You’re gonna learn. You need time, but you’re going to learn to.”

“I wish he had died that day too.”

“I do think that he wishes the same.”

He looked at her, eyes wet and surprised. 

“That’s what you wanted when you found out about your mother, right?”

He just nodded while the tears that he tried so hard to hold fell down.

“It’s what we feel when we lose someone we love so much. It’s what we wish for when someone so dear to us takes away a part of our hearts with them.”

For the first time in months, Tommy felt arms wrapping around him as he leaned in to cry. His soul ached as he let his world come crashing down again, too tired to pretend.

 

\---------

 

Raisa was the only person with whom he talked to when he felt the overwhelming need to. It took six months for Tommy to try to have any kind of contact with Oliver.

It was a beautiful sunny day and he was inside again, looking out the window when the knock came on his door.

“Mr. Merlyn?”

“Raisa.”

He greeted her with a small smile and turned back to look out of the window.

“Why don’t you go outside for a while?”

“Not in the mood.”

“Mr. Merlyn?”

This time he turned fully to face her.

“It’s your summer vacation. You should be outside with Mr. Queen.”

“He doesn’t like it when you call him like that.”

“He doesn’t need to know that.”

She winked at him and was already calling to the staff to change the sheets of his bed.

“Five minutes in the sun won’t burn you, right?”

With a small nod, he descended the stairs to get to the pool area. He wasn’t surprised to find Oliver there with Laurel. The three of them knew each other since they were in kindergarten. He greeted both of them with a small nod, and Oliver did the same while Laurel put on the brightest smile he’d ever seen in her face.

It was the first time he was seeing her in months, and it was a welcomed sight. Being homeschooled until he felt ready to go back meant that he hadn’t seen her much.

Saying nothing, he sat at the other side of the pool and put his feet in the water. So it wasn’t all a surprise when it was Laurel that said something.

“Hey, Tommy.”

He glanced at her, not saying anything because he didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry about what happened.”

He nodded again. He was so tired of people apologising. Excuses wouldn’t bring his life back.

“We really are.”

That was from Oliver, which made him look up, and speak up.

“It’s ok.”

“No, Tommy it’s not.”

Laurel moved closer, sitting beside him.

“We are here for you.”

“We?”

“Me and Ollie.”

He didn’t have much to say, but that was nothing new to him now. 

“Yeah,” Oliver spoke up too.

He stared at Oliver for an entire minute, the blonde billionaire boy that knew nothing about life, death or grieving for the dead. He had everything that Tommy didn’t have any more. Tommy didn’t know why, but all the support suddenly made him angry. Not just with Oliver, but with Laurel too. They didn’t know anything about what he was going through.

“Of course you are.”

He closed his hands into fists.

“What’s your problem, Tommy? We are trying to help.”

Oliver’s tone made him look at his friend again.

“My problem is… I have nothing and none of you know what it feels like to be like this.”

He felt Laurel tense beside him while Oliver got up, moving closer.

“So what do you want?”

“Do you know what I want? My life back to the same way it was.”

“You can’t have that anymore.”

“I know that I can’t. I’m tired of everyone apologising, tired of feeling like shit.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“I want to punch you in the face!”

“Tommy!”

The horror in Laurel’s voice made him stop, realising he was moving towards Oliver.

“Do it.”

“Oliver, no!”

But before she could stop it, the boys were going for each other, rolling on the lawn. Tommy punched Oliver in the face, in the ribs, in all the places his hands could reach. He was angry, so damn angry. Oliver has everything — he was happy, he was living his life like nothing had ever happened. If he couldn’t move on, why should the others? Why? Life wasn’t fair.

He was breathing hard when he finally stopped, on top of Oliver. With Laurel’s yelling, he saw that a good number of the staff were making their way out of the house, worry etched onto their faces. Taking a deep breath, he noticed that Raisa was in front of them — which explained why none of them stopped him.

When he finally looked down and saw the blood on Oliver’s face, he felt his face becoming wet. Ignoring the tears, he realised with surprise that Oliver was wrapping his arms around him. Laurel came to hug him from behind, embracing them both. Unlike the silent cries he shared with Raisa, his sobs broke through him, loud and free for the first time.

The three of them stayed together, hugging, until Raisa started calling for them, so she could check up on her reckless, hurting boys.

When the summer ended, Tommy stopped being home schooled and resumed his year. It took six months for him to start living again, without his mother or his father. But for the first time, Tommy realised that he wasn’t alone, not really.


End file.
